"I'm As Grown and I Think I Am"

A Future Study in Self-Esteem and the Art of Self-Actualization

Is maturity measurable?

When my sister was in her teens, teeming with middle child energy and thirsty to prove her dominance over all flavors of authority, she made a statement to our grandmother that became a point of ridicule for most of her life. Truthfully, she has never lived it down, but today I’m revisiting those words with a renewed curiosity and optimism. 

We were driving home from a shopping trip. I was in the driver’s seat, Grandma was riding shotgun, and my sister was in the backseat, which was her usual placement in the family dynamic. The argument/discussion we were having escapes me now, but the emotionally-fueled response has never left me. After an exasperating discussion, my tiny, yet fierce and feisty grandmother, who herself was a force

of nature, spit-out the words which she was sure would end the discussion.  

She said, “Mary! You don’t know everything! You aren’t even grown, yet!” 

We chuckled at Grandma’s remark, feeling the truth of it and frankly hoping it would end the argument. Tired of her “back-seat” position, though, Mary would have the last(ing) word. She shouted her declaration so loud, I’m pretty sure the cows in the pasture outside of the car could hear her.

She declared, “Grandma! I’m as grown as I think I am!”

Oh, how our words can hurt!

To this day, I regret my response. I burst into a cruel, chastising laughter that might still reside in my sister’s painful memory bank. We tend to remember unfavorable moments in our lives for much longer than we’d like to, and we don’t always realize just how much of a lasting, negative impact we can have on others. For that, I am sincerely sorry. 

My sister, though, created a family “meme” that day, a mantra more powerful than she likely realized. Indeed, the passion-fueled remark seemed to follow her time and again throughout her life, for better or worse. The entire family contributed to keeping the sentiment alive throughout her teen years and beyond, pulling it out of our back pockets whenever her words, her behavior, and even her consequences warranted the harsh, hurtful reminder that despite her often rash behavior, she still “had a lot to learn.” In truth, we all had (have) much to learn, but in many cases, we are either too obstinate, too proud, or too oblivious to pay attention.

Confidence abounds

As I revisit the statement in my 60’s, it carries a timeless wisdom I have to credit my sister with having at the young age of 15. We are all only as “grown” as we think we are, which can be a strength if we embrace it, or our downfall if we ignore it. 

After all, don’t many of us float along through life with varying amounts of bravado, humility, shame, and pride? I see all of those elements in the statement: “I’m as grown as I think I am,” which equally conveys where people are, where they want to be, and who they want to become. The simple sentiment means having the courage to push through current obstacles, accept failure with resolve, and stand tall through all of the ups and downs of life. 

How helpful are self-help books?

Today, her words interest me more than the hundreds of self-help books I’ve read in my lifetime. I’m finally ready to seriously consider and fearlessly explore how her heated, adolescent rebellion, which she spouted out with the most splendid teenage angst, could become my new mantra for the next chapter in my life.  

I must remember, too, that before the world gets to us, we all begin in the same place: naked and ready for life. Out of the womb, we are “as grown as we think we are,” but that’s only the beginning. Basic psychology tells us that our lives are a combination of nature and nurture, with the jury still out on which one is stronger and more impactful over all. Perhaps no easy answer exists, and perhaps the answer is as varied and diverse as our personalities.

Nature vs. Nurture?

Some of us are born with a disarming amount of swagger. Some of us are born with crippling reticence or even diffidence. Interactions with the people in our lives, however, be they friends, family members, strangers, etc., will potentially nurture, challenge, and alter our natural-born temperament, thus molding and shaping our disposition throughout our lives. 

Without a Ph.D. in psychology, and a specialty in the field of personality, not to mention years of research, my limited resources mean that I can only read what’s been done and see how it applies to my life and the lives of those close to me. Thus, reading about experiences, applying research findings, and reflecting on my own observations is my unscientific way of understanding just how grown I think I am, and how I’m going to use that knowledge moving forward.

Research + Experience

On my quest, I intend to review a few academic papers and see if they can provide some insight. My process will include asking the following questions: how accurately can we judge our own skills and abilities; how well do others know us; how can we know what we want; and how does elevated self-esteem translate into a happy, successful life?

Wish me luck, and stay tuned! I’d love to hear your thoughts!